Moving Through Uncertainty
Learning how to find possibility in the unknown
One thing I have come to realize about myself is how truly uncomfortable I am in the midst of uncertainty. Depending on the situation, it brings me quite a bit of anxiety that I am not always successful at navigating. Learning how to move through uncertainty, and even thrive in that space, is a constant practice for me. I’m not sure any of us ever completely master this skill, and I know for me, it will be a lifelong process. One that is a worthy pursuit, but daunting all the same.
As is the case with many of my other sensitivities, I have noticed that dating heavily brings out this panic around uncertainty. Because there is someone else and their feelings and behaviors involved, there is very little control over certain situations. I know that my need to control things (a definite Capricorn trait) contributes to this discomfort around uncertainty. Especially in the early stages of dating someone, there are so many unknowns. How someone feels, how they express themselves, the pace at which they are comfortable progressing, etc. So much uncertainty! As someone who tends towards an anxious attachment style, this uncertainty really sends me over the edge sometimes. This is why I am thankful for all of my self-care and self-awareness practices (therapy, journaling, yoga, meditation, breathwork, mantras and affirmations, etc.). I can’t even imagine how I would begin to navigate these situations without these practices. I also have amazing teachers and coaches who share their wisdom with me, as they can see things that I can’t when I’m stuck in the anxiety spiral of uncertainty.
Getting out of my own head is where I usually focus my energy, since the constant overthinking and overanalyzing is where I cause myself the most suffering. I am an expert at making up stories in my head about situations that have absolutely zero basis in truth or reality. Let’s just say my brain is extremely freaking imaginative in the midst of uncertainty. When I catch myself in these moments, I stop to ask myself if the story I’m telling myself is really true. Almost every time, it is completely false or there is truly no way for me to know one way or the other. Either way, it is useless and torturous to continue with this mode of thinking and catastrophizing.
The thing that has worked most consistently for me lately is stopping myself every time I feel the panic spiral coming and repeat mantras and affirmations that remind me that I am supported by the universe:
· I trust that everything is working out for me.
· I am divinely guided and supported.
· I will not miss what is meant for me.
I have many others, but these are the core phrases that bring me back to the present and out of the thought loop that is brought on by fear of the unknown.
One of the things that I love the most about myself is that I am a deep feeler and thinker. This is a beautiful thing, but it is also something that has made life (and relationships) much more difficult for me. Sometimes, I wish that I could care a bit less, let go of expectations more easily and just rest in a state of ease and flow. It sounds so easy, but it is something that I greatly struggle to achieve on a regular basis. The good thing is that now I have awareness around when this is happening, and as a result, I can bring myself back to the moment. There are times when I need to do this countless times a day, and it is not easy, but this work is worth it to me, so I can get to that place of ease more often. I know that I can get there, and I have so much evidence from my life that good things happen when I am in that energetic space. If you also struggle with finding peace in the midst of uncertainty, you are most definitely not alone. I even come back to my own words over and over again, since I tend to write the things that I need to hear, like this essay on choosing joy over fear. It’s as if my past self knows that I will need these reminders time and again.
Uncertainty is a given in life. Most things are out of our control, and any control we feel we do have is usually an illusion we create to make ourselves feel better. Every day, I’m learning how to sit in the discomfort of the unknown, to find the beautiful possibilities in that space instead of giving in to the fear that arises. I don’t want to look back years from now and realize that I missed out on some of the most beautiful moments in my life worrying about how things were going to turn out. Instead, I want to move through the uncertainty with a little more ease and grace, embracing the lessons that can be found in that space, and being grateful for the present moment.
